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Feb
23

Murder on the Merriment Express

By Katie Kieffer


Like a king cobra on speed, the CSX oil train cut through the falling snow and rolled along the tracks at 33 m.p.h.—transporting 3 million gallons of highly-flammable crude. But the convoy was a poor match for its cargo. At 1:20 p.m. Eastern time on February 16—35 miles outside of Charleston, West Virginia—the 109-car train derailed.

Fireballs sliced through the cold air; a house was leveled in flames; hundreds of home owners lost electricity and drinking water; and a Kanawha River tributary oozed with oil. One man told the Los Angeles Times that the spill emanated heat like an “atomic bomb.” Continue reading →

Posted in Energy | Leave a comment

Feb
16

Gov. Kitzhaber: Standing By His Woman, Killing His Career

By Katie Kieffer


Come over here, she beckoned, Let me whisper in your ear. If you make me first lady and hire me as “clean energy adviser,” I’ll ignore the 20 years between us.

Last Friday afternoon, 67-year-old Gov. John Kitzhaber (D-Oregon) announced his resignation. He and his 47-year-old clean energy consultant/lover Cylvia Hayes will no longer be taking romantic strolls through the manicured gardens of Mahonia Hall. Nor will they be engaging in late-night pillow talk sessions on “energy” at the Tudor-style governor’s mansion. Continue reading →

Posted in Energy, Humor | Leave a comment

Feb
09

Stupid Cupid’s Trophy Case

By Katie Kieffer


By Katie Kieffer

Italian prodigy, Raphael, once painted two angels in the Sistine Chapel. One chubby cherub wears a mischievous expression as he rests his chin on his hand. The other looks wide-eyed and innocent. This angelic pair has celebrity status if you consider how often they have been reproduced. Political historians like myself surmise that these cherubs are also known as “Stupid Cupid” and “Smart Cupid.” Ideally, you want to be hit by Smart Cupid on Valentine’s Day. This will be difficult, since Stupid Cupid had a red hot winter. Continue reading →

Posted in Humor | 1 Comment

Feb
02

Common Sense Dictates Millennials’ Driving Habits

By Katie Kieffer


Common sense is making a comeback among Millennials, who would rather cruise the open road in a gas-propelled hot rod than text, hug a tree, or drive a Tesla.

Democrats and Republicans alike make the mistake of believing that Millennial drivers eschew common sense. For example, Gov. Mark Dayton (D-MN) thinks he will increase his popularity by pushing a massive gas tax that would add at least 16 cents to the price of every gallon. Meanwhile, in his own pathetic attempt to become one of the cool kids, Rep. Pat Garofalo (R-MN) was recently photographed standing beside his shiny new Tesla electric sports car. Continue reading →

Posted in Entertainment & Culture | 3 Comments

Jan
26

Physician, Heal Thyself! With Gunpowder

By Katie Kieffer


Gunpowder is bullet-proof preventative medicine for American physicians. Every doctor should have the option to carry concealed in clinics and hospitals.

A 55-year-old man named Stephen Pasceri walked into Boston’s Brigham and Woman’s Hospital last Tuesday and asked for renowned cardiovascular surgeon Dr. Michael Davidson. When the surgeon appeared, Pasceri pulled out a .40-caliber pistol and hit the surgeon twice before turning the gun on himself. Continue reading →

Posted in Health Care | 1 Comment

Jan
19

Why Orthodox Jewish Women are Happy

By Katie Kieffer


Orthodox Jewish women and conservative Muslim women both follow modesty rules, but Orthodox Jewish women are devout without abandoning their individuality and civil liberties.

26-year-old Hayat Boumedienneis the suspected accomplice in last week’s 3-day terror attack in Paris, France. Her common law husband, Amedy Coulibaly, murdered four Jews and a policewoman in a kosher Paris market. Continue reading →

Posted in Entertainment & Culture, Free Speech | Comments Off

Jan
12

We Could Be Heroes, Me & You

By Katie Kieffer


12 Charlie Hebdo staffers who died for free speech and 25 Republicans who voted against U.S. Speaker John Boehner are heroes. We too could be heroes, me and you.

“We could be heroes, me and you,” are lyrics from Heroes (We Could Be)—a 2014 number one hit single by Swedish DJ Allesso, featuring singer Tove Lo. The lyrics reverberate with new meaning after the January 7 terror attack on the French weekly satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo. Continue reading →

Posted in Free Speech | 1 Comment

Jan
05

When Orangutans Get Lawyers

By Katie Kieffer


Monkeys are not people. Trees are not children. And human beings are not causing the earth to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.

“It’s probably the equivalent of watching your family getting shot before a firing squad,” environmental extremist Tom Whitaker described his emotional response to logging for National Geographic in July of 2000.

Fast forward to December of 2014: a 29-year-old orangutan named “Sandra” was represented by a lawyer named Andres Gil Dominguez who helped the ape win human rights in an Argentine court of law. Continue reading →

Posted in Economy, Law | Comments Off

Dec
22

No Room for Vets in the Inn

By Katie Kieffer


Homeless American veterans shiver in the bitter cold while illegal immigrants receive subsidized four-year degrees.

At midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold, Christ was born in a stable after his parents were turned away by every innkeeper. Joseph and Mary did not respond with entitlement: “If you don’t shelter us, then you’re racist.” Rather, they used their ingenuity to find an alternative birthplace for their son among friends—farm animals, shepherds, kings, and angels—beneath the light of an extraordinary star. Continue reading →

Posted in Law, National Security | 2 Comments

Dec
15

Selling Sex (Allegations)

By Katie Kieffer


Lena Dunham and the federal government ain’t volunteering to advocate for rape victims; they would like compensation—in millions, please.

Faceless and nameless men and women volunteer every day, all across the country, to counsel, shelter and heal sexual assault victims. Hollywood darling Lena Dunham is advocating for women too. But Dunham is neither offering women practical tools to deter rape nor taking a six-month sabbatical to volunteer at a woman’s shelter. Continue reading →

Posted in 2nd Amendment, Entertainment & Culture | 1 Comment