By Katie Kieffer
China got it wrong: 2017 is not the year of the rooster—it’s the year of the white male. 2017 is the year the white man takes back his worth.
Black Male Supremacists. Unheard of. Brown Male Supremacists. Unheard of. Because it’s only trendy for American elites to bash white males. Especially white males who never owned slaves; white males who never “stole” land from Native Americans or Mexicans; and white males who never hired an unqualified male over a qualified female in the workplace.
How do white men handle the hatred hurled their way? Good question. I’ve prepared a short survival guide for white men who wish to reclaim their dignity in America.
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday
“Mayday” is an international radio call signal to denote distress. Elitist comments like the following seven examples help illustrate the distress in which white males find themselves.
- Trump “doesn’t know much… [but he] knows how to get angry white men to vote for him” –Bill Clinton
- White men “vote against their own economic interest because of guns; because of gays; and because of God” –Nancy Pelosi
- Trump’s win “was whitelash against a black president” –Van Jones
- “Donald Trump gives white men permission to be sexist and racist” –Cosmopolitan
- “Trump reflects white male fragility” –The New York Times
- “White guys: … Black lives just matter [i.e. only black lives matter and only white men are racist against blacks]” –MTV
- “White guys: … Learn what mansplaining is, and then—stop doing it!” –MTV
These quotes represent a small sample of the politically correct insanity bubbling to the surface in American pop culture.
Take the last quote from a video MTV released last month. “Mansplaining” is a new term that individuals whom I’ll refer to as Feminists in Name Only (FINOs) use to describe a nonexistent epidemic of men who “talk down” to women. FINOs wish to convince every woman that if a man offers her advice, he’s “mansplaining,” or speaking to her in a condescending manner. But if a man proffers another man advice, he’s being “helpful.” Go figure.
With the exception of certain B-list celebrities like Lena Dunham and Cher, my research shows that most young women—including Lesbian women—welcome a strong male presence in their lives. Most women want at least one male ally in their lives—such as a father, grandfather, coach, brother, or spouse. Not to open doors (though it’s nice when men do). But to collaboratively soar.
“Assault rifle” is another term that leftist elites manufactured to foster irrational fear. Whereas assault rifle was concocted to terrify Americans of firearms to such an extent that they would abandon their natural right to bear arms—elites concocted the term “mansplaining” to make women fear and despise men to such an extent that women shun natural opportunities to collaborate with men in both personal or professional environments. And, according to MTV, “white men” are the biggest “mansplaining” offenders.
“Comedy breaks down walls. It frees us for just a moment from the ugliness of this world.” –actress Goldie Hawn
On the daily, white men are told by elites in politics, business, education, faith and sports to step aside so women and non-white men—regardless of merit or talent—can arrogate their positions.
This injustice, understandably, causes some men to fume. But, erupting into a wild rage is generally an ineffectual strategy. Camouflage is your key to success.
Comedy is your best form of camouflage. Every man is capable of being funny. Research even indicates that men are often better comics than women because they are more prone to take the risk of being comically vulnerable.
So, when you hear someone call you and your brothers “white supremacists who put a white supremacist into the White House”—respond with a joke. And you’ll break down their wall of politically correct aggression.
Weapons, Tools and Equipment
When comedy fails, pull out the big guns: statistically-sound sentimental stories.
Men, in life, numbers are some of your most powerful tools, and should be kept near your side at all times. But when you’re dealing with women and effeminate, politically correct men—it’s wise to use your statistics to tell a story that tugs on the heartstrings.
There is little truth to the lore that Donald J. Trump is our president-elect primarily because angry and uneducated white men got out the vote. Here’s a few commanding stats to work into a story that will discredit this notion, and the notion that all white men are bigots:
Women’s wages are rising faster than men’s.
The Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta announced this month that women’s wages are growing at a faster rate than men’s. In November, women’s paychecks grew at a year-over-year rate of 4.1% (half a percentage point higher than the growth rate of male wages).
Democrats helped Trump win
In traditionally “blue” counties in the states of Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Michigan—Trump won enough votes from Democrats to win in the same places President Obama won in both 2008 and 2012.
Blacks and Latinos helped Trump win
In 2012, GOP candidate Mitt Romney won fewer African American or Latino votes than Trump won in 2016.
Millennials helped Trump win
By staying home (only 19 percent voted), Millennials helped elect Donald Trump. In the past two elections, Millennials came out in droves to help elect Obama president. But Millennials—including young women—told pollsters they couldn’t “trust” Hillary.
Hillary earned 11 percent fewer votes from Millennials than Barack Obama did when he first ran for president—despite the fact that millions more Millennials were eligible to vote for her.
Emergency First Aid
In politics, it’s never wise to apologize for something you’re not guilty of committing. This is actually the definition of true humility.
Unfortunately, Republicans routinely break this rule, accepting blame for things such as “shutting down the government” and in turn shying away from responsible fiscal policies that would help the government in the long-term. Interestingly, Republicans actually do better at the polls when they refuse to apologize for being Republicans—and shut down the government.
Likewise, white men should refuse to apologize or make “reparations” for being a man or a white person. They should stop saying “sorry” for crimes—like slavery—that they never committed and perhaps even their particular ancestors never committed. In the summer of 2016, a site called Reparations emerged to allow, as the Los Angeles Times put it: “ethnic minorities to request help or services from a white person who would fulfill them [for] free.” In other words, a Craigslist for white people to volunteer to be the servants of non-whites in reparation for slavery. The site received an onslaught of negative feedback and the site owner admitted that it was failing to succeed at its mission—since people of color were often the “first” ones to “offer assistance” to whites.
MTV recently found that nearly 90 percent of Millennials oppose affirmative action! Three in four Millennials also told MTV that they believe it would be more productive for society to stop considering race altogether. So, white men will not win any points with young people with public self-flagellations for crimes of which they are not guilty.
At heart, minorities don’t want to be helped or pitied or given special treatment. To repair race relations and regain respect, every white male should hold his chin up and stop berating himself for crimes of ancient history.
A wide river with roaring rapids is difficult to cross. Unless you build a bridge.
President-elect Donald Trump has begun to build bridges that white males can use to reach out to African Americans, women and Latinos. White men should build Trump’s bridges to completion by focusing on the issues Trump focused on (i.e. border security; repealing ObamaCare; job creation; streamlining taxes and regulations). And by using the tools of comedy, story-telling and humility as outlined above.
Share this post with all the white men in your lives so they can survive 2017. Cheers!