1.) Naughty CzarThe CDC’s lack of transparency and competency in managing Ebola makes the classic “naughty nurse” costume off-limits. It seems thoughtless to dramatize the health care professions while an American nurse and doctor exert every effort to heal from Ebola. It is far more tactful—and provocative—to be a naughty czar. Czars are unconstitutional. Alexander Hamilton explains in “The Federalist No. 78” that the legislative branch controls the purse strings and makes laws, the executive branch enforces the laws and the judiciary branch “may truly be said to have neither FORCE nor WILL, but merely judgment.” So, the executive (president) is supposed to enforce the laws—not bypass Congress and work exclusively with an army of minions called “czars” who carry out his or her whims. For this costume, you’ll need a crown, scepter and a royal-looking jacket embellished with fur, tassels and medals. Add a name tag that says “Hi, I’m the Naughty Ebola Czar” and you’re all set! If you’re going as a couple, have your better half dress up as the notorious Susan Rice—Klain’s “naughty boss.”
2.) “No Toilets Allowed” BillboardSecond Amendment supporters: use your First Amendment right to free expression to defend your right to self-defense with this costume. It’s also the easiest of the five costumes. If you’re short on time, cash, or both—this is your go-to political costume. Write with a fabric pen on both sides of a plain T-shirt (or a cardboard sandwich board sign). The front should read: No Toilets Allowed. The back should read: 40,000 people/year are injured by toilets. Time to reevaluate toilet policy? #GunControl #PuerileLogic
3.) CinderHillaTo make this costume, wear a Hillary mask and Cinderella’s brown maid dress and white apron. Hold a broomstick and tape a sign to the stick that reads: Dead Broke. Cinderella started out as a pauper, but she worked hard—with a cheerful spirit—and eventually was rewarded for her hard work. Hillary Clinton did not begin her career like Cinderella—sweeping soot with a broken broom while wearing a smile on her face. Yet, to hear Clinton’s recent interview with ABC News anchor Diane Sawyer, you would almost think that she thinks she’s Cinderella. “…we came out of the White House not only dead broke, but in debt. We had no money when we got there and we struggled to, you know, piece together the resources for mortgages for houses, for Chelsea’s education, you know, it was not easy. Bill has worked really hard and it’s been amazing to me.” –Hillary Clinton to Diane Sawyer In the winter of 2001, as Hillary trudged out of the mansion that the taxpayers had lent her for eight years (i.e. the White House)—she clutched in her hand an $8 million advance to write a memoir for Simon & Schuster. Meanwhile, Bill managed to haul in $9.2 million in speaking fees that year. Clinton feigns to be a former pauper. Yet, she has lived a life of opulence while she and her husband’s actions and policies caused our country to go broke.
4.) Alfalfa (Law-)SuitIn case you missed the case of Starks v. Jimmy John’s LLC et. al., a woman is suing the sandwich maker for (no, I’m not making this up!) forgetting to add alfalfa sprouts to her sandwich on more than one occasion. For throwing a tantrum better than a two-year-old, the plaintiff will be awarded $5,000 and her attorneys will receive $370,000. Meanwhile other customers who feel similarly victimized may complete a form and receive a voucher for a complimentary side of chips, a cookie, a pickle or a soft drink. Protest the inanity of America’s hyper-legalized culture and wear a suit covered with alfalfa sprouts. Hold a sign that says something like: “I stand against stupid lawsuits. Don’t be a victim by suing business owners like Jimmy Johns for forgetting to add sprouts to your sandwich.”
5.) BO CoolForget Joe Cool. 2014’s hottest Halloween costume is BO Cool. Dress up like President Barack Obama, which is easily done by purchasing a presidential mask at a party store and accessorizing with dress pants, a blue tie and a white button-down shirt (be sure to roll up your sleeves!). Last week, former Daily Beast publisher Tina Brown told MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” that she feels Obama is leaving female voters “feeling unsafe” because: “they’re beginning to feel a bit that Obama’s like that guy in the corner office, you know, who’s too cool for school, calls a meeting, says this has to change, doesn’t put anything in place to make sure it does change, then it goes wrong and he’s blaming everybody.” [emphasis added] For extra creative points, carry a small stuffed dog wearing a collar that says “BO.” Because cool men accessorize with eponymous balls of barking fluff. Have a fun and safe Halloween, everyone! Minnesotans: Meet Katie on November 1 as she signs copies of her new book, “Let Me Be Clear,” at Dunn Bros Coffee, 919 Vermillion St., Hastings, MN from 1 – 3 p.m.
Empowering Female ChoiceAn unwanted pregnancy changes a young woman’s life forever. None of us may judge women who face this challenge. However, we can all do more to support the women in this situation. Because, when a woman chooses life and gives her child up for adoption, she is nurturing her own body and mind. Abortion is not a natural or healthy way to “deliver” a child. Thus, if a woman can carry her baby to term, she will reap life-long physical and mental rewards. Many women will continue to choose abortion due to financial, cultural or emotional pressures unless we do a better job of proffering kindness, hope and resources. Some feminists champion a “woman’s right to choose” while curiously fighting prolife groups that simply want women to have access to all of the facts about abortion’s side affects. These so-called “women’s rights advocates” bar women from hearing the testimonials from women who have had abortions. If we care about women, why not let women hear all sides so they can truly make a choice? On behalf of myself, my girlfriends and all young women, I want to promote a culture where every young woman has access to all the information about abortion’s side effects. Which is why I need you to help me spread the word about two powerful new documentaries.
The Gosnell MovieIndependent filmmakers are raising funds on Indiegogo to make the Gosnell Movie. Gosnell is a villain. His story must be told in the powerful format of motion picture. Dr. Gosnell is an abortionist who was sentenced to life in prison without parole in 2013 for murdering seven newborn (live birth) babies and at least one pregnant mother. District Attorney Seth Williams described Gosnell’s actions thus: He “induced labor, forced the live birth of viable babies in the sixth, seventh, eighth month of pregnancy and then killed those babies by cutting into the back of the neck with scissors and severing their spinal cord.” Greedy Gosnell preyed on the mother, Karnamaya Mongar, 41, and ushered her into his abortion clinic after two other abortion clinics refused to perform the operation because she was so far along. Racism, sexism and child-labor violations were par for the course in Gosnell’s clinic. Mongar had spent 20 years in a Nepal refugee camp before coming to the U.S. Because of Gosnell, she only spent four months in America. Gosnell’s nurses testified that he took better care of white patients than minority patients, justifying his racism as: “That’s the way it is.” The day that Karnamaya Mongar went into cardiac arrest, Gosnell had his “expert medical staff” on-hand, namely a 15-year-old teenager named Ashley Baldwin. Instead of hiring qualified medical experts, Gosnell worked Baldwin to the bone (50 hours a week) so that he could make the maximum amount of money possible. Baldwin helped with delivery when Gosnell was gone, performed procedures, ultrasounds and intravenously sedated patients. He essentially lied to Ashley’s mother and said that a “grandfather clause” allowed him to bypass certifying his staff. A real pimp. Lynda Williams, 44 testified that she worked for Gosnell. She said that if patients complained about the pain (his medications often failed), he would just give their legs a whack. And if a baby was born alive, she said Gosnell would order her to get out the sheers. ‘I only do what I’m told to do,’ she told the jury. ‘What I was told to do was snip their neck.’
The 40 FilmWe also need to spread objective hope and education, which is where “The 40 Film”comes in. An investigative and emotional movie spanning 40 years of legalized abortion, 40 lets us hear both sides of the story. We hear from women who genuinely believe that abortion is a moral option as well as those who have experienced abortion first-hand. 40 answers the most salient arguments from the pro-choice movement and also humanizes the women who have made the choice to abort, and regret it years later. 40 give us new insight into young people—the Millennials who are essentially (according to Pew’s latest research) no more “pro-choice” than their parents. 40 shows us how many young people are taking it upon themselves to champion a culture that appreciates life from conception through natural death. You can learn more about 40 and how to bring it to a theater near you here. The federal government has no business involving itself in abortion or marriage. Likewise journalists could use their storytelling abilities to enhance society instead of handing the microphone to celebrities who kiss and tell. The Gosnell Movie and 40 are an answer to awakening a culture of life, hope, health, kindness, and genuine choice. Check out Katie’s new book, “Let Me Be Clear.” Preorder for early bird discount.
For the Girl on the FenceIf your sweetheart is not so sure she likes guns, a pink AR-15 might be pushing it for a Valentine’s Day gift. You don’t want to scare her away from the idea of owning a firearm. So, ease her into the idea of owning a special tool for self-defense. For example Bling Sting makes stylish and practical pepper spray keychains that are decorated in red, pink, black or diamond bling. She can attach one of these “charms” to her purse or key ring for an extra dose of protection. Along with a fabulous pepper spray, you could give her a gold-plated chain with a small charm in the shape of a handgun. She’ll feel edgy and tough… and by the time her birthday rolls around, she’ll be asking you for the real deal so she can truly protect herself from an assault. And, just for fun, give her chocolates in the shape of ammo with a note that says: “Bite the Bullet! XOX!” (Be willing to bite the bullet yourself after this horrible pun.)
For the Gun NewbieFor a gal who is already a Second Amendment supporter, you won’t need to win her over. Nevertheless, if she hasn’t spent much time handling firearms you will want to help educate her. Unless she already owns a gun and is extremely comfortable using firearms safely, give her a gift certificate to a gun safety and firearm self-defense course before you give her a gun.
For the Gun IntermediateYour sweetheart has handled firearms before and she’s already taken gun safety courses. She’s ready for her very own firearm. Since you’ll want to make sure that her gun fits well in her hand, you’ll need to ruin the surprise and take her to the gun store with you. Buying a gun is kind of like buying an engagement ring—it’s helpful to have the girl along with you because, unfortunately, her hands are not removable.
For the Gun GoddessFor the woman who knows more about guns and ammo than you do (though you’ll never admit it), a gift certificate for a conceal carry class along with a practical conceal carry holster or concealment tank top would be the perfect gift. A thigh holster is much sexier than a delicate, lacy negligee when you explain that you’re giving her this gift because you want to protect your most valuable asset—her. A gun or a gun-safety class is so much more meaningful than a teddy bear. When you give her a self-defense tool, you’re offering her a constant reminder of how much you value her and a present that will last far longer than a vase of red rosebuds. To bring Katie Kieffer to speak at your professional event or college campus, please follow this link to inquire about booking a speech.
Prediction: 2014 will be an amazing year for you and me. To borrow a line from Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson, I predict 2014 will be: “Happy, Happy, Happy.”
We’re less than one week into the New Year, and I can already tell that 2014 has wondrous things in store. For nearly six years, independent and conservatively-minded Americans have endured the grey skies and choppy waters of the Obama administration. Now, I feel like the tide is finally turning. A new sun is rising. The smell of joy is in the air.
In Genesis, when Noah wanted to see whether the floodwaters had abated, he sent out a dove to search for land. Finally, the dove returned to Noah with a sign of hope: an olive leaf. Duck Dynasty’s recent success in weathering a storm of false controversies is the sign that gives me so much hope for 2014; Duck Dynasty’s success is our olive leaf.
Last January, many Americans had never even heard of A&E’s hit family-centered reality show, Duck Dynasty. However, this changed in December of 2013 when the star and founder of the family’s duck call business, Phil Robertson, was temporarily suspended for speaking his mind in support of traditional marriage. At first, the future for the show was murky. Soon, however, everyday Americans who were outraged by A&E’s intolerance for free speech launched peaceful protests. Phil was promptly welcomed back to the show.
A&E did the right thing, but not necessarily for the right reasons. (The network certainly did not want to lose the profit it was pulling from cable’s top-rated reality television program.) However, the monetary and viral success of Duck Dynasty is a ray of hope at a time when the economic and cultural news (think ObamaCare and Miley Cyrus) sounds less than uplifting.
Duck Dynasty’s success and the sell-out of their merchandise in stores before Christmas proves that most Americans still believe in family, faith and free speech; we value entrepreneurs; we’re not politically correct; and, we stick to our guns.
The Robertson family is prospering because, at core, they represent the values that most Americans hold—but have been told to repress. Even as a federal judge recently upheld most provisions of New York’s SAFE Act, which attacks our Second Amendment right to self-defense, Duck Dynasty’s success is a reason for optimism. Guns and love will solve crime—not liberal silliness.
Ironically, while the media has tried to destroy Duck Dynasty and all that it stands for by associating Phil Robertson with vitriolic language, the exact opposite is true. Last year, Robertson told Spectrum TV that A&E was trying to make their show look more obtuse than it really was, and he put a stop to it: “I asked the [editors]: ‘What’s the point of the fake bleeps?’ …[They added bleeps] like someone had used profanity, but no one had used profanity. …If we’re not using profanity, why make it look like we’re using profanity? What is the point? …So they quit doing that.”
By sticking to their guns, both literally and metaphorically, the Robertsons have found success. Even as we speak, they are launching a new gun line and Phil Robertson’s book, “Happy, Happy, Happy” has been flying off the shelves. The family inked a lucrative deal to roll out a new line of guns in 2014—a deal that Forbes calls: “a warning shot to A&E” because the gun line deal excludes A&E from all direct profits and puts the Robertson family in a position of greater financial independence.
So, hang in there my friends. Stick to your guns (both your values and your rifles) like the Duck Dynasty clan and you’ll have a happy and prosperous 2014.