By Katie Kieffer
Halloween is four days before the midterms. Get out the vote with a costume that expresses your inner politico. Here are five fun political costume ideas that will spark a debate at your Halloween party—and remind your friends to vote for freedom.
1.) Naughty Czar
The CDC’s lack of transparency and competency in managing Ebola makes the classic “naughty nurse” costume off-limits. It seems thoughtless to dramatize the health care professions while an American nurse and doctor exert every effort to heal from Ebola. It is far more tactful—and provocative—to be a naughty czar.
Czars are unconstitutional. Alexander Hamilton explains in “The Federalist No. 78” that the legislative branch controls the purse strings and makes laws, the executive branch enforces the laws and the judiciary branch “may truly be said to have neither FORCE nor WILL, but merely judgment.” So, the executive (president) is supposed to enforce the laws—not bypass Congress and work exclusively with an army of minions called “czars” who carry out his or her whims.
For this costume, you’ll need a crown, scepter and a royal-looking jacket embellished with fur, tassels and medals. Add a name tag that says “Hi, I’m the Naughty Ebola Czar” and you’re all set! If you’re going as a couple, have your better half dress up as the notorious Susan Rice—Klain’s “naughty boss.”
2.) “No Toilets Allowed” Billboard
Second Amendment supporters: use your First Amendment right to free expression to defend your right to self-defense with this costume. It’s also the easiest of the five costumes. If you’re short on time, cash, or both—this is your go-to political costume.
Write with a fabric pen on both sides of a plain T-shirt (or a cardboard sandwich board sign). The front should read: No Toilets Allowed. The back should read: 40,000 people/year are injured by toilets. Time to reevaluate toilet policy? #GunControl #PuerileLogic
To make this costume, wear a Hillary mask and Cinderella’s brown maid dress and white apron. Hold a broomstick and tape a sign to the stick that reads: Dead Broke.
Cinderella started out as a pauper, but she worked hard—with a cheerful spirit—and eventually was rewarded for her hard work. Hillary Clinton did not begin her career like Cinderella—sweeping soot with a broken broom while wearing a smile on her face. Yet, to hear Clinton’s recent interview with ABC News anchor Diane Sawyer, you would almost think that she thinks she’s Cinderella.
“…we came out of the White House not only dead broke, but in debt. We had no money when we got there and we struggled to, you know, piece together the resources for mortgages for houses, for Chelsea’s education, you know, it was not easy. Bill has worked really hard and it’s been amazing to me.” –Hillary Clinton to Diane Sawyer
In the winter of 2001, as Hillary trudged out of the mansion that the taxpayers had lent her for eight years (i.e. the White House)—she clutched in her hand an $8 million advance to write a memoir for Simon & Schuster. Meanwhile, Bill managed to haul in $9.2 million in speaking fees that year.
Clinton feigns to be a former pauper. Yet, she has lived a life of opulence while she and her husband’s actions and policies caused our country to go broke.
4.) Alfalfa (Law-)Suit
In case you missed the case of Starks v. Jimmy John’s LLC et. al., a woman is suing the sandwich maker for (no, I’m not making this up!) forgetting to add alfalfa sprouts to her sandwich on more than one occasion.
For throwing a tantrum better than a two-year-old, the plaintiff will be awarded $5,000 and her attorneys will receive $370,000. Meanwhile other customers who feel similarly victimized may complete a form and receive a voucher for a complimentary side of chips, a cookie, a pickle or a soft drink.
Protest the inanity of America’s hyper-legalized culture and wear a suit covered with alfalfa sprouts. Hold a sign that says something like: “I stand against stupid lawsuits. Don’t be a victim by suing business owners like Jimmy Johns for forgetting to add sprouts to your sandwich.”
5.) BO Cool
Forget Joe Cool. 2014’s hottest Halloween costume is BO Cool. Dress up like President Barack Obama, which is easily done by purchasing a presidential mask at a party store and accessorizing with dress pants, a blue tie and a white button-down shirt (be sure to roll up your sleeves!).
Last week, former Daily Beast publisher Tina Brown told MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” that she feels Obama is leaving female voters “feeling unsafe” because: “they’re beginning to feel a bit that Obama’s like that guy in the corner office, you know, who’s too cool for school, calls a meeting, says this has to change, doesn’t put anything in place to make sure it does change, then it goes wrong and he’s blaming everybody.” [emphasis added]
For extra creative points, carry a small stuffed dog wearing a collar that says “BO.” Because cool men accessorize with eponymous balls of barking fluff.
Have a fun and safe Halloween, everyone!
Minnesotans: Meet Katie on November 1 as she signs copies of her new book, “Let Me Be Clear,” at Dunn Bros Coffee, 919 Vermillion St., Hastings, MN from 1 – 3 p.m.