Category Archives: Energy

Apr
15
2013

Blow Off Pampered Greenies, Build Keystone XL

15, Apr

By Katie Kieffer


Recycling is fine. Conservation is fine. But sometimes greenies cross the line. They expect you and me to go jobless and hungry so they can save a porcupine.

President Obama has been pampering his radical greenie friends for far too long. Even the President’s State Department has thrice declared Keystone XL to be environmentally safe. Let’s build it already. Continue reading

Posted in Energy | 3 Comments
Read the Full Post >

May
14
2012

3 Electable Tea Party Hotties

14, May

By Katie Kieffer

Greg Sowards, Kurt Bills and Richard Mourdock

Some like it hot. Some like it cold. And the Tea Party likes it red-hot, as in, red states. Three energetic Tea Party candidates are heating up to beat RINOs and help return the U.S. Senate to a true conservative majority.

Rhinoceros horn is popular in Asia for its purported healing powers. Asian demand sends poachers to Africa to hunt the endangered animal. Last November, one Hong Kong poacher surrendered $2 million of illegal rhino horn to authorities. In the GOP, however, RINOs (Republicans In Name Only) are losing popularity. The RINO’s “horn” is compromise and Americans are tired of compromises like Obamacare. Americans want politicians who will just say “no” to socialism. Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Energy, Health Care, National Security | 4 Comments
Read the Full Post >

Apr
02
2012

Sippin’ on Coal and Rum

02, Apr

By Katie Kieffer

Rum and Coke

Me: “I’ll take a ‘Coal and Rum.’”
Bartender: “What’s that?”
Me: “I’m protesting the EPA.”
Bartender: “Got it. Awesome. Your drink is on the house.”

Coal is my lifestyle. Coal allows me to turn darkness into light at the flip of a switch. Coal allows me to brew a cup of coffee, toast a bagel and pour a class of refrigerated orange juice in minutes. Coal lets me text friends and find directions from my fully-charged iPhone. Coal grants me the ability to use machines to wash and dry my week’s laundry pile while I run on my treadmill. Coal allows me to heat my Minneapolis bedroom to a balmy 72 degrees while snow and freezing winds pelt the roof. Basically, coal means that Americans like you and me can live like kings and queens on a pauper’s budget. Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Energy | 3 Comments
Read the Full Post >

Mar
19
2012

How Obama controls gas prices

19, Mar

By Katie Kieffer

President Obama speaking at Keehi Lagoon Beach Park.

A plumpish girl making pizzas behind a counter methodically spreads red sauce on a circle of dough as she vents loudly to the cashier: “Do you drink soda pop? No? Well, I do. They say that pop makes you gain weight. I always gain weight from stress and I’m so stressed out. I don’t have enough money. I need a car for college and I can’t afford one. And gas is outrageous. It’s like $5! I mean, I could buy a bike for $5!”

A few minutes later, the girl hands me my oven-ready pizza without looking up. She is visibly distraught. I feel bad for her as I walk away thinking, “Thanks for ruining our economy, President Obama.”

Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Energy, National Security | 15 Comments
Read the Full Post >

Feb
20
2012

Dr. Babyface’s 3-Step Jobs Plan

20, Feb

By Katie Kieffer


America is showing her age. She had fun spending Sugar Daddy China’s cash; now she’s broke, tired and weak. Sadly, there’s no quick fix—no fancy wrinkle cream—that can erase decades of fiscal abuse from America’s face. To revive her youthful foundation in constitutional freedom America must take dramatic steps. It’s time for America to go under the knife; it’s time to call Dr. Babyface.

Dr. Babyface is a “plastic surgeon” otherwise known as yours truly. Except I don’t inject Botox into aging celebrities. Rather, I inject radical doses of freedom into aging governments. Here’s Dr. Babyface’s three-step prescription to revive America:

Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Education, Energy | 2 Comments
Read the Full Post >

Dec
12
2011

Santa Baby, bring me coal

12, Dec

By Katie Kieffer

Santa Claus

I want a coal plant for Christmas, and not because I’m a naughty girl. I want lots of coal so I can power up the high-tech toys Santa is bringing me, including an electronic robot maid that cooks and cleans, a 32-meter-wide TV and a modern, coal-fired steam locomotive that allows me to bypass the TSA Grope Squad when I travel cross-country.

OK, so Santa probably won’t be sending a full-size, coal-fired train down my chimney. But, like many of you, I may be getting small electronics for Christmas (or Hanukkah). As millions of us ring in the New Year by adding new gadgets to the power grid, we need to make sure we have ample electricity to fire up our cutting-edge iPads, TVs, sound systems and smartphones.

Americans get almost half of their electricity from coal. I think coal is a wonderful source of energy and we need to continue producing it.

Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Energy, Law | 4 Comments
Read the Full Post >

Dec
05
2011

Frack, baby, frack!

05, Dec

By Katie Kieffer

Shale.

I have a slam-dunk plan for creating jobs: Frack, baby, frack. Move like Shaq. Let’s beat the buzzer, Shaq-style, and score points for the U.S. economy. Frack Attack!

Like basketball referees, ratings agencies Moody’s and Fitch Ratings are signaling they may join Standard and Poor’s in calling a foul on the U.S. economy. The good news is that we can move toward recovery by fracking shale for gas and oil—producing energy and creating jobs simultaneously.

Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Energy, Law | 5 Comments
Read the Full Post >

Nov
28
2011

Dump the EPA

28, Nov

By Katie Kieffer

Deepwater Horizon fire

Like a bad lover, the EPA is a nagging, beguiling mooch. The EPA unconstitutionally barged into our lives and we need to break free from this destructive relationship; let’s give the EPA a two-letter title beginning with ‘E’ and ending with ‘X.’

President Nixon formed a group called the President’s Advisory Council on Executive Organization to help him sidestep Congress and mold public policy. On April 29, 1970, the Council wrote a memo advising Nixon to establish: “an Environmental Protection Administration, a new independent agency of the Executive Branch. … [and the] Executive Branch should be so structured that a high order of public interest is served in making policy, rather than a narrower advocacy position.”

Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Energy, Law | 3 Comments
Read the Full Post >

Nov
21
2011

Piping Up Oil Jobs

21, Nov

By Katie Kieffer

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper

Like a good neighbor, Canada is there—offering America tens of thousands of jobs, protection against soaring gas prices and up to 700,000 barrels of crude oil a day for Oklahoma and Gulf Coast refineries to process—if America accepts TransCanada’s proposal to build the Keystone XL pipeline from Alberta’s tar sands to the Gulf Coast.

Let’s say your neighbor invites you over to her holiday party and you respond: “No way, you’re an animal killer. Last year, you served meatballs at your party and I’m against animal cruelty.” Don’t expect your neighbor to ever talk to you again.

Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Energy | 4 Comments
Read the Full Post >

Aug
15
2011

I like big trucks and I cannot lie

15, Aug

By Katie Kieffer

Truck zooming down highway

By Katie Kieffer Truck zooming down highway So, fellas! So, ladies! Do you want cheap gas and big, safe rides? Then, drill. Drill. Drill a healthy life. No, I’m not Sir Mix-A-Lot. I simply think we should responsibly utilize our natural resources to improve the security and prosperity of all Americans.

Continue reading

Posted in Economy, Energy | 3 Comments
Read the Full Post >